if the domain of this site is any indication of the owner
then its going to be a while before i figure out wtf im going to do with it.
what started my addiction to watching meth addicts on intervention. her actual intervention is even better than this clip. PHONE! PHONE! i wish more episodes were like this one though…
2008 was filled with many positive things. yes, there were some negative aspects to the year, but overall, 2008 was pretty fucking awesome. i put together a photo montage of the particular events from 2008 that mean the most to me. goodbye 2008. hello the future - 2009! enjoy.
text msg convo between my 14 year old niece and i
- niece: do you like hippos?
- me: only if theyre alive and come with their own pond.
- niece: ok
- me: actually, i know what you can get me for xmas! out of debt!
- niece: thats impossible!
- me: i know, thats why im asking for it for xmas!
- niece: if thats the case, then ill get you outta debt if you buy me an ipod touch.
- me: who is this? are you texting the right person?
- niece: yes, im texting aunt-e. is it a deal?
- me: huh? i cant hear you. the text keeps breaking up. hellooooooo?
- niece: of course you cant hear me, its a text.
best craigslist ad ever!
NINJA HAULER: 2005 Nissan Xterra - $12900 (Ronan / Lake County )
Reply to: email@example.com
Date: 2008-11-19, 10:04PM MST
OK, let me start off by saying this Xterra is only available for purchase by the manliest of men (or women). My friend, if it was possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o’clock shadow, this Nissan would look like Tom Selleck. It is just that manly.
It was never intended to drive to the mall so you can pick up that adorable shirt at Abercrombie & Fitch that you had your eye on. It wasn’t meant to transport you to yoga class or Linens & Things. No, that’s what your Prius is for. If that’s the kind of car you’re looking for, then just do us all a favor and stop reading right now. I mean it. Just stop.
This car was engineered by 3rd degree ninja super-warriors in the highest mountains of Japan to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis. They didn’t even consi der superfluous nancy boy amenities like navigation systems (real men don’t get lost), heated leather seats (a real man doesn’t let anything warm his butt), or On Star (real men don’t even know what the hell On Star is).
No, this brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled super action junkies need. It has a 265 HP engine to outrun the cops. It’s got special blood/gore resistant upholstery. It even has a first-aid kit in the back.
You know what the first aid kit has in it? A pint of whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite down on when you’re operating on yourself. The Xterra also has an automatic transmission so if you’re being chased by Libyan terrorists, you’ll still be able to shoot your machine gun out the window and drive at the same time. It’s saved my bacon more than once.
It has room for you and the four hotties you picked up on the way to the gym to blast your pecs and hammer your glutes. There’s a tow hitch to pull your 50 caliber anti-Taliban, self cooling machine gun. I also just put in a new windshield to replace the one that got shot out by The Man.
My price on this bad boy is an incredibly low $12,900, but I’ll entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I mean don’t walk up and tell me you’ll give me $5,000 for it. That’s liable to earn you a Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered eye-jab. Would it hurt? Hell yeah. Let’s just say you won’t be the prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore.
There’s only 69,000 miles on this four-wheeled hellcat from Planet Kickass. Trust me, it will outlive you and the offspring that will carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo.
Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it’s a rugged, no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double, then contact me. I might be out hang-gliding or BASE jumping or just chilling with my ladies, but I’ll get back to you. And when I do, we’ll talk about a price over a nice glass of Schmidt while we listen to Johnny Cash.
To sweeten the deal a little, I’m throwing in this pair of MC Hammer pants for the man with rippling quads that can’t fit into regular pants. Yeah, you heard me. FREE MC Hammer pants.
(via email from mr. 2:55am)
im sure most people are feeling this way. shoot, this is exactly how im feeling about this whole election shiz. ugh. via YesButNoButYes